It's Really Okay to Love Yourself First - Here's How

Yes, It’s Really Okay to Love Yourself First.

In fact, it's essential! Go ahead, tell yourself how wonderful you are and give yourself some love, even if it's difficult to say. Look yourself in the mirror (I understand it might be difficult for some of you) and show yourself the love you deserve. Make it a priority to love yourself first, as it lays the foundation for genuine self-improvement and personal growth.

Begin your self-care healing practice today – it's never too late. Loving yourself first is a practice that builds self-esteem and reflects the value you place on yourself. Invest time in your own needs, appreciating the amazing person you are today and who you are becoming. This is a must before extending your love and time to others.

Caring for yourself and valuing your needs will translate into a more confident, happier, and healthier you. Often, women prioritize everything and everyone else first—their kids, work, household responsibilities—before themselves. Though it's essential to be a bit selfish, in a positive way, to love yourself first and recognize your own importance so you can then give yourself to others after your own cup is full.

“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.” - Mandy Hale

When was the last time you did something unapologetically for yourself, by yourself, and without the “okay” from others?

I'm talking about the things we don't make time for, the things we don't do because we guilt ourselves into thinking we are not deserving. I'm referring to the things we need for ourselves, by ourselves, and take pleasure in without seeking approval from others.

Here are a few examples of how to love yourself first:

1. Taking a quiet afternoon to read a book you've been interested in, without worrying about being productive.

2. Enjoying a leisurely walk in the park, listening to your favorite music or podcast, instead of rushing to complete errands.

3. Indulging in a hobby like painting or writing, simply for the joy it brings, without the pressure of others' opinions.

4. Planning a solo trip to a place you've always wanted to visit, embracing the adventure for yourself.

5. Spending an evening pampering yourself with a long bath and self-care routine, disconnecting from the demands of daily life.

So often, we live with the belief that we don't deserve to be as happy as someone else or entitled to the things that we know will bring us joy. This limiting belief is all in your head! Your thoughts are merely your own subconscious beliefs, handed down to you and programmed in your mind, most likely during childhood.

Break free from this self-imposed limitation, silence your inner critic, and embrace the power of loving yourself first. Give yourself permission to prioritize your own happiness and pursue the things that bring you joy. You are deserving of all the happiness and fulfillment that life has to offer. Let go of the guilt and let yourself experience the true joy of self-acceptance and self-love.

Let me tell you this and I hope this will resonate with you-

YOU ARE WORTHY!

Loving Yourself First Means: Having Patience and Forgiveness for Yourself

To truly adhere to the concept of loving yourself first, it's vital to cultivate patience and forgiveness towards yourself. All you have to do is stop that nagging voice in your head that defaults to the loop of self-sabotage. It takes practice, and a lot of effort, to pardon your mistakes. Be patient with yourself and understand one thing: what you are feeling, we all feel at one time or another. The trick is not to dwell in these negative feelings of self-doubt and unworthiness. And lastly, forget about trying to please everyone else at the expense of your own happiness. To love yourself first means to honor your own needs, values, and well-being above the approval of others.

However, a common behavior we often do instead of loving ourselves first is follow an invisible rule of thumb, dropping hints or planting ideas over time to friends, family, or colleagues in the hope of gaining their approval before we embrace our own path. While seeking approval from friends, family, or colleagues may temporarily validate our desires, it shouldn’t overshadow the importance of self-validation. Research by Cialdini and Goldstein illustrates how social validation influences decision-making and reinforces our commitment to goals.

We engage in this behavior because we are human beings who naturally desire a sense of belonging and fear rejection from those we surround ourselves with as we value their opinions. We are wired to be social and crave acceptance, but this fear can hinder our motivation to fully embrace our impulses.

However, navigating these social dynamics on the path to loving yourself first, involves recognizing when external validation supports our journey without compromising your core values and happiness. Emphasizing internal validation—such as self-compassion, authenticity, and honoring personal boundaries—aligns with neuroscientific research that highlight how self-approval activates rewarding brain pathways, similar to external rewards like food and money.

In essence, while seeking approval is natural, loving yourself first requires a balanced approach. It means valuing your intrinsic worth and making decisions aligned with your authentic self, even amidst societal pressures. By nurturing internal validation and self-compassion, individuals can cultivate a deeper, more sustainable form of self-love that enriches their journey towards fulfillment and happiness.

For some individuals, self-love and prioritizing themselves come naturally, yet society often labels this as being selfish. Unfortunately, the term “selfish” has developed a negative connotation, technically defined as being excessively or exclusively concerned with oneself, seeking personal advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. This negative perception often conflates selfishness with self-centeredness.

It’s important to distinguish between being selfish, which can sometimes be necessary for personal growth, and greed, which implies a total disregard for others and is not advocated for in personal growth. Understanding this distinction allows individuals to embrace the journey to loving yourself first without guilt or societal judgment, fostering a healthier approach to personal development and well-being.

In reality, loving yourself first is about recognizing your worth, honoring your needs, and nurturing your authenticity. It's about establishing healthy boundaries and practicing self-care without neglecting the needs of others.

When you prioritize self-love, you cultivate a strong foundation of self-worth and inner strength, which allows you to show up fully for yourself and for others. It's about finding a harmonious equilibrium between self-fulfillment and considering the well-being of those around you.

Fortunately, we are witnessing a cultural shift—a more empowering and uplifting perspective that not only accepts but also encourages loving yourself first. We are embracing the idea that it's acceptable to prioritize oneself in a positive way. This involves practicing self-care, ensuring your own well-being, and finding fulfillment and happiness in your life choices. By loving yourself first, you can then genuinely and freely give to others without resentment.

Give Yourself Permission to Love Yourself Unapologetically

If we neglect our own well-being, we are unable to meet our own needs. Consider this: How can you offer support and care when you are physically and emotionally depleted? The truth is, you can’t sustainably give from an unhealthy state. Trying to do so will inevitably lead to unraveling and falling apart. It’s a gradual process of suffering.

As a mother, I have personally experienced the toll of running on empty, striving to meet the needs of my children while neglecting my own needs and definitely not loving myself first. There was a point where it seemed like life was on the verge of falling apart, and then I realized something. I asked myself, “What good am I to my children if I’m shattered into a million pieces?”

I couldn’t pinpoint the exact source of this realization, but it became crystal clear to me that I wouldn’t be of any use to anyone if I allowed myself to remain in a state of chaos. It was then that I made a conscious decision to take control and make positive changes in my life. At that time, I was just beginning a transformative self-growth  journey of shifting my mindset, nurturing self-confidence, and cultivating inner self-love.

Asking yourself what you need, at any point, is the biggest form of self-love there is!

Now my belief is strong that I am no good to my children if I am no good to myself first! Taking time for my wants and needs, and truly loving myself first, ensures I have the energy and well-being to be fully present and supportive for my children. It’s about maintaining a healthy balance where my needs and theirs can coexist harmoniously. It doesn’t mean my needs and wants always come first. No! It means recognizing that our needs ebb and flow, and by addressing mine when necessary, I can better support theirs when they arise.

Shift Your Mindset

Don't you want to set a positive example for your children? Of course, you do. They already look up to you. So, it's important to be a role model you can be proud of. Be strong, but also embrace your weaknesses to gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

Make it a priority to spend quality time alone, indulging in personal pleasures that require no approval from others. Dedicate time each day to loving yourself first, satisfying your soul in a lovingly, self-centered way that does not harm others.

During my teenage years at home, a framed plaque hung on our wall bearing the words, “Happy wife, happy life.” Perhaps you’re familiar with this phrase. At the time, I saw it as a not-so-subtle reminder aimed at my father, suggesting husbands should prioritize their wives’ happiness. It was clear my mother intended to convey this message.

As our society and cultural landscape continue to evolve, our values and beliefs also adapt to the changing times. The influence of culture and current trends plays a significant role in shaping our interactions and thoughts. In 1989, I held the assumption that my father’s primary role was to make my mother happy. Now, 35 years later, I no longer feel as compelled to hold that same belief. While the sentiment is endearing, let’s be realistic—it is ultimately our responsibility to ensure our own happiness and pursue what brings us joy

Love Beings From Within

We've all heard the adages like "no one can make you happy but yourself" or "you are the creator of your own happiness." While the world may seem to emphasize a self-centered perspective, there's now a softer and more compassionate approach to self-love. It's important to note that even as I express this, there is an ongoing discussion surrounding the rise of digital narcissism and the constant need for instant validation. Enter platforms like Instagram, where we preach the importance of loving yourself first. The irony is hard to ignore, don't you think?

Recognize that while we dedicate ourselves to others and prioritize our loved ones, we should also treat ourselves as a priority. Know that it's really okay to love yourself first, and is not a selfish act, but rather a necessary step towards practicing self-care, self-advocacy, and self-awareness. This self-love provides us with the foundation to face life's challenges, to persevere with determination, and to approach relationships with authenticity and mindfulness.

Just as you invest in your children, it's important to invest in yourself – perhaps with a woman life coach to guide you on your journey to becoming your most authentic and worthy self. This is the ultimate path to loving yourself first. A life coach can help you transform your personal development, help you to set goals that align with your utmost potential, and challenge you to grow beyond your current self-imposed boundaries. Be a role model by demonstrating the value of self-discovery and personal growth.

Additionally, incorporating smaller, everyday acts of self-care supports maintaining this journey. Whether it’s taking a solo spa day, trying a new dance class, reading that book you’ve always meant to finish, indulging in a pampering session, taking a midday nap, or embarking on an exhilarating new adventure, make sure to carve out time for these activities. Mark them on your Google calendar as commitments to loving yourself first.

Why? Because you deserve it!

If you are struggling with unworthiness or finding if difficult to create the self-love you so desperately desire, then I invite you to consider opening up your heart and mind to letting a life coach like myself support and guide you discover how. A free coaching call can help you decide if you if coaching feels right so we can explore how loving yourself first can truly gift you the life you are longing to experience.